Dry spell

This month I've officially passed the longest amount of time I've gone without getting pregnant in 10 years. The biggest gap is between Nolan and Max, who are 38 months apart. Ava will soon be 31 months, which means I would need to be pregnant now to close the gap. (For those of you worried, I'm not!) It's really a strange place to be. I couldn't imanging being pregnant, having a baby, starting over. Again. And then, I also can't imagine not being pregnant, having a baby, starting over, again, ever again.

I look at Ava, at her feet and her legs, her little tushy in her princess panties, and can't believe how big she is. She's a real live big kid, and over 2 and a half. Maybe it's because she can't speak, or maybe because she's #4, or maybe it's some random denial in my brain, but I just can't believe she's that big. She's my baby. I still call her baby girl. (And I always think, "When everyone called me baby, and it didn't occur to me to mind." For all you Dirty Dancing fans...)

And speaking of speech... it ain't happening. She's gone from about 10 words to maybe 30. She should say upwards of 300, and within the next few months be able to carry on conversations. For now, the speech therapist is going to come every week to try to help her. When she turns three, whe will no longer be in the birth to three program and we'll have to put her in special education of some sort, or pay lots of money for private speech lessons. I'm still holding out hope that one day it will just click, but it's getting a little late in age for that to happen.

One day she'll scream at me, and I'll have to come back and find this post, and smile at the fact that I called her baby, and it didn't occur to her to mind. Either that, or she can't tell me that she minds!