Your own person or a people pleaser

Abby and Nolan are very different. Obviously, one's a boy and one's a girl. But it goes so far beyond that and became clearly evident the other day when we got a thing in the mail describing a "summer camp" on a real working farm. That's right! Summer camp. For the low, low price of just $795 per week (10% discount for second kid), they can go milk cows, weed fields, muck stalls, build chicken coops and a whole host of other farm chores! I read it to the kids and told them I was going to sign them up and asked if it was ok.

Nolan: Ummm, I don't think so. I don't think that would be very fun.
Abby: Ummm, sure. I mean, it could be fun to be on a farm.
Me: Really?
Abby: Sure! I've never done that stuff before.
Nolan: Ummm, I really don't want to.
Me: But Nolan, I really want to sign you up. You could meet new friends.
Nolan: No, I don't think I'll go.
Nolan: You didn't sign us up, did you?
Me: What if I did?
Nolan: I just reall don't want to go.
Me: No, I didn't sign you up. I was just kidding. I didn't really think paying that much money for you to do chores was a good idea. Unless you really want to go, Abby.
Abby: No way! I just said that because I thought you already signed us up, and that you'd be mad if I said I didn't want to go!

What would make one child such a people please, and another so... not? Oh, don't get me wrong. Nolan wants to please someone. Namely, Dave. Ask him a question (favorite color? sports team? day of the week? kind of underwear?) and you can bet the farm that his first question back will be, "What's Daddy's?" But as for the general public? Forget it. There ain't no pleasin' anyone he don't wanna please. Case in point, on our way to church last week, he said, "When I get big enough to choose, I'm not going to church anymore." Now THAT was certainly not pleasing.

And Abby wants to please everyone. She can't make a decision because she'll worry that I'll get mad. Or that she'll hurts someone's feelings. In short, she's me. Sometimes I get so frustrated with her because I just want her to make a decision... Are you coming with me or not? Are you going outside to play or not? Are you having this or that for a snack? I really don't care, just pick!

And so... what's the right way? Should you be a people pleaser or your own person? Is one better than the other? Will one get you further in life? I don't know, there's merit to both. And there's plusses and challenges to raising one of each (too soon to tell what Max and Ava are). In the end, it doesn't matter. They are who they are, and both are perfect for who they are.