Where did work go?

April 13 will be the one year mark of me starting this blog, and April 9 will be one year since I gave notice at work. I went back to read some of my entries and it's funny how things kind of repeat themselves, and also how such a big decision has both changed, and not changed, my life one year later. Last year I wrote about being a little jealous of never "living" in our new building at work. Well, the Marketing team is still in the same old building, and I get to see the new building plenty, so that never played out. But two weeks ago, a group of 14 people went to amazing facilitator training, and I believe I would have been in that group if I were still working. I'm very jealous of them, as I'm jealous of those taking over my position at work (yes, it's taken a year to replace me!). A year ago I was stressed out trying to balance family, job, friends, everything. Now I'm much less stressed out, but still stress some over my current little amount of work, work I might do when all kids are in school, and just balance in general. Last year I talked about if we should buy a Wii, this year I wonder if Nolan plays too much Wii. Last year Nolan was almost four, and now he's almost five, and even though I'm not working, I still don't feel like I listen to him enough.



So what does it all mean? I don't know. I write more about the kids, and stress less about work. I have difficulty talking to some people about work, because I just don't work as much and can't relate as much, but have found great friends in other stay at home moms. I have aspirations but don't really know how to realize them. I feel a little like my life is in a holding pattern and "when the kids get older" seems to be my mantra, but it'll be awhile before they're all older, and they're already getting too old too fast already. I think about what I'll do when the kids do get older, and I can't figure out if I'll work, shuffle them around everywhere, travel more with Dave, all of the above? I need a Magic 8 Ball! But then, I don't think I'm alone in that. We all wonder how we can be happy, what we should be doing, how we can make others happy, what our big goal in life is. Are those questions we ever figure out completely? I guess, if I know anything more than I knew one year ago, it's that I'm glad to be home with the kids. Even through the jealousy at work, the strained conversations with those moms handling both home and work, and the feeling like some days I just may not make it through the end of the day if Nolan asks me just one more question, I still have joy. I may not always be happy, but I'm very much joyful.



I have new art on my wall that says "The years tell us much that the days never knew." Yup, absolutely.